However, this evening as i stepped out of the shower, and changed into some going out gear, that all changed. Instead of the instant happiness i was feeling, instead my emotions ran into fear and anxiety as i discovered that my father was heading into hospital.
My father... i'll admit that he and i have not always seen eye to eye, and more than once, have we ended up in some form of argument or scuffle. But tonight, seeing him head off to the hospital with my pop driving him, i dunno, i felt.... i guess i felt that in some way i had let him down. I don't quite know how to explain it. I suppose maybe the fear of losing him brought things into perspective for me, but right now i'm sitting in my room at home while my father is sitting in some waiting room struggling to breathe.
In some regards, i wish i was there with him, just to know that he was alright. But on the other hand i know that my place is to be here looking after my sisters and my mum. Although no one has shown visible signs of sadness, i can tell that we are all feeling the strain of sadness and anxiety that this void of unknowing is having on us.
I really do hope that he will be okay.
As soon as i find out more, i'll be sure to post up. Until then, ciao.
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